dude, where’s my laundry?

Laundromats are probably one of the best businesses to have when you are in the city.  Nobody hardly has time to do their own laundry anymore… That population includes me, the medical intern.  Sometimes I have the advantage of sending my laundry home so that I don’t have to spend at all.  But this week I had to send my laundry to the laundry shop just one door away from my building.  I sent 2 or 3 pairs of my uniform there last Friday, and then they promised to DELIVER my laundry by Saturday afternoon.  So that it won’t cause any delay, I PAID for the cost of laundry.  I was not home that Saturday because I was on 24 hour duty.  I come home on Sunday, and my laundry still isn’t in.  I hardly cared because I was so tired and so I gave them a day to figure out what they forgot.  Monday came, today is another holiday, and so I didn’t need my uniforms yet, which, have not yet arrived.  I tell my roommate to remind the laundry people to deliver it by this afternoon.  And so I go out with an old friend, and returned 11 pm at night, to discover that the uniforms have not yet been delivered.  I now have to spend an hour to wash my 1 blouse left for my 24 hour duty tomorrow.

I am usually very patient and do not complain much.  But let me tell you that the moment I get home on Wednesday, they are going to feel my wrath!!!

challenge to self

I have decided to take on a challenge that could potentially change my life.  It could be like one big pit stop in my life.

I’m trying out for Pinoy Idol.

Some of my friends already know about this.  And they are definitely cheering me on (Thanks guys thanks for your support! )  I haven’t told my parents yet (unless my dad decides to check on my blog… then he’ll know by the time I post this).  There are a lot of people with great talent in the Philippines, but I think I have a good shot at getting in the primary audition. I know it sounds like an overconfident remark, maybe because I am not even sure if I am going to take this seriously.  If I do get in the show, does that mean it may get in the way of my internship?  If it is, then most probably, I am not going to push through with it.  I’ve gone this far, I can’t stop with my internship now.  And even if I do get in, would my parents object?  They see me going straight into my medical career, spending each day of the summer studying for the boards.  Will they let me take this chance?  I hope they do give me a chance to join this competition like any of the competitions that I got into when I was still a kid.  I miss these contests… And this will be my first time auditioning for a nationwide search!  How exciting is that?!  At least before I leave the Philippines I could at least have some of my showbiz dreams… As much as I tell my friends that I am just trying out and not going for the gold, part of me still wants to be part of the top 24… who wouldn’t?  But if it’s going to get in the way of my internship, then I guess I have to let go of that dream… So sad… I am such a nerd…

Movie Review: Juno

Juno MacGuff: I’m pregnant.
Paulie Bleeker: What should we do?
Juno MacGuff: Well, I should just… I was thinking I’d just nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Because they were talking about in health class how pregnancy… It can often lead to an infant.
Paulie Bleeker: Typically, yeah… Yeah that’s what happens when our mothers and teachers get pregnant.

A rare free day has come my way today, and I spend it with my mother and cousin Nenette in Mall of Asia… It was a tight decision between Jumper and Juno… As much as Jumper sounded cool, as it’s like a superhero movie, we ended up watching Juno.

You would think I’d be sick of seeing pregnant people by now. But it was kind of a refreshing movie to me, and I wish a lot more people would watch it and reflect on their own values themselves.

First let’s talk about the characters that they portray… Main opinion: I LOVED IT… I loved that each person seemed to be flawed (like all people are supposed to be).  There is of course the very young and totally unprepared teenage girl who becomes pregnant.  There’s the guy who is the father of the baby in her who (as you can see in the poster), looks like a complete dork with his mini running shorts and his golden headband and wristbands…  There’s the cheerleader best friend who is so into her very older professor… There’s her dad, who is now in his 2nd marriage… Ya get it?  But no matter how flawed these people are, what makes them so inspiring is how understanding they are to one another… Juno understood (although a little late) that she is dealing with something beyond her maturity level, but she does the right thing by telling all people involved (Paulie her “boyfriend” and her own parents).  Her parents didn’t force her to marry the guy who had sex with her, but instead, their first decision was to make a doctor’s appointment and to start her on prenatal vitamins (ahh… an OB’s dream patient)…

Then there is the music, the soundtrack… It kinda sounds like the Ditty Bops (ok so not a lot of people know the Ditty Bops).  The songs are plain, singable by any travelling musician, but if you listen well, they can be pretty deep while being really peaceful… And I just realized one of the reasons why I like the songs is because they sound like something that Phoebe Buffay from Friends would sing (har har har)… My favorite song is “Anyone Else But You” which seems to be the theme song of this movie.  It’s like a love song for my favorite type of life partner… It says:

You’re a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you’re back is the latest trend
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

 

Simple… the last line is kind of grammatically confusing, but I think it means I don’t really get why other people like other people, but I can definitely see something in you that makes me love you, and only I can see it…

I really don’t like hearing about young kids getting pregnant, especially when they are still living under their parent’s roof, barely finished with school and not earning enough money just for themselves… But this movie was like a ray of sunshine to my OB GYN nightmares… If kids can have the same kind of thinking as Juno that’d be great… And if parents can be as loving to their daughters, maybe not a lot of daughters would end up as messed up as those that I see in the OB ward every day… And if guys can be as caring and as true as Paulie was, then maybe we can keep believing that a love that lasts still exists in this world.

All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned! 

warrior is a child

I got my much needed break this weekend.  The free weekend could not have come any sooner!  As you noticed from my previous posts, I was really hanging on by a thread.  Now I can really say that when everyone else leaves you and when you are down in the dumps, your parents or whomever you call your ‘family’ are the best people to be around you.  In less than an hour from my post duty, I was whisked off by my cousins to my house at Lipa, for a mini-vacation slash rehab time.  The peaceful scenery outside my house, the fresh air, and the most comfortable bed was what I desperately needed.  As much as I love the city, a weekend at the province can be such a relief.  I got to eat a home-cooked meal, and then slept throughout the day… I woke up at 7 pm just to eat dinner with my family and relatives.  I wanted to go swimming too, but the sleep that I got was well worth it.  Then we spent the evening watching my original copy of “The Beyonce Experience”, one of the best concerts I have seen in my life.

Saturday went by so fast, and before I knew it, it was Sunday already, a day before my next duty.  I used to dread going to Sunday, but today, it seemed like the perfect thing to go to.  It was like the therapy or the psychiatry visit that I needed.  It was like the priest was talking to me directly, telling me that I could fix my life, and it is not too late.  I guess this is the sign that I was asking for.  I realized that because of all the built up stress I was bombarded with, I was drifting further and further away from God.  I was becoming the horrible people that I chose not to become.  I hope I remember what the priest told us that day:

1. Pray.

2. Do some sacrifices.

3. Do good.

Sounds easy, but we all know those are some pretty difficult things to do.  I have never been a devout Catholic.  But I realized how important my faith is because it is really what’s holding me together.  I am not saying that from this moment on, I will go to church every sunday.  But I do know that I will pray more frequently.  Maybe with just a little more effort, I will be able to remember what saving lives is all about.  Maybe then I will get the courage to get some humility for a change.

But before I forget, I’d like to say thank you to the friends that stood by me and are still standing by me.  Thank you to my parents who continue to support me.  Thank you to my cousins who have been nothing but angels to me.

But my battle has only begun.  And I am still young… If this is a test, God, then I hope I pass it with flying colors.  You must think highly of me to give me such challenges in life.  And you must really love me, for giving me few but true, special friends.

breakdown…burnout

84 days until the end of internship… It’s about that time when I have already gotten used to the ins and outs of PGH, I have already established a set of friends, and my blockmates knows each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

But this didn’t stop me from totally breaking down… I am supposed to be used to an every 3 day duty, but right now all I am feeling is fatigue and depression.  You know when you are not mentally and physically fit when you wake up everyday dragging your feet to work.  You have to work up an appetite just to get by.  You literally count the seconds till you are allowed to go home.  And I am not just breaking down… I am really experiencing burn out.  Everyday, I want to skip duty, but because I know I am going to cause a major headache to my blockmates, I still go.  I wake up late because of so much fatigue, so I end up being marked tardy in the attendance, which will require me to take additional hours later on which makes the length of my agony longer and longer.  When I am at work, all we talk about is work.  When it’s time to go home, I basically go to the mall by myself just to get entertained.  No, I don’t go out with friends.  They got better things to do.  I try to study, but my mind is to preoccupied.  I am too tired to hit the gym.

I wasn’t planning to go home this weekend, but seeing as it is my only chance to go home, I might as well take that opportunity.

I’m stopping myself from breaking glass and throwing stuff around…

To make matters worse, I even ended up hurting someone while I was on the verge of my madness at the world.  And I am now at a loss at how to get things back to the way it was.

I want to take a break… But I want to get  things done.

I’m 23 years old, young and still in a hurry to get through life.  Am I missing out on the good stuff?  Is it really worth it, being in such a hurry?  If I was in such a hurry, I should have just taken up something that will get me easy money.  Or maybe I should have entered showbusiness while I still have my youth.

Is it too late to start fixing things?  To start fixing myself?

All day today, I thought that I really need to get help.  From a psychiatrist, a therapist… If I am lucky, maybe I could even get help from a friend.

And in my haste, I end up hurting the ones that are near me.

Is it really that hard to get help?

Is it really that hard to find a friend who will just take you as you are?

And if I find a friend, how long will the friendship last?  Will I screw this up just like in all the relationships I had?

Maybe that’s why I am better of going to the mall on my own… Because I don’t know how to deal with people…

58 minutes to the next day… In a few hours I will be on duty again…

God, if you can read this, please give me a sign just to tell me that everything is going to be alright… This is as bad as it’s going to get… One can only go up from here.  Time sure ain’t flying when you are not having fun at all…

I guess this is what they call, hitting rock bottom.